Discworld 02 The Light Fantastic by Terry Pratchett

Author:Terry Pratchett [Pratchett, Terry]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: romance_fantasy
Published: 2011-02-09T23:44:05.167000+00:00

‘He’s an awful long time with those onions,’ said Two-flower. ‘Do you think we’d better go and look for him?’

‘Wishards know how to look after themshelves,’ said Cohen. ‘Don’t worry.’ He winced. Bethan was cutting his toenails.

‘He’s not a terribly good wizard, actually,’ said Twoflower, drawing nearer the fire. ‘I wouldn’t say this to his face, but’—he leaned towards Cohen—‘I’ve never actually seen him do any magic.’

‘Right, let’s have the other one,’ said Bethan.

‘Thish is very kind of you.’

‘You’d have quite nice feet if only you’d look after them.’

‘Can’t sheem to bend down like I used to,’ said Cohen, sheepishly. ‘Of courshe, you don’t get to meet many chiropodishts in my line of work. Funny, really. I’ve met any amount of snake prieshts, mad godsh, warlordsh, never any chiropodishts. I shupposhe it wouldn’t look right, really—Cohen Against the Chiropodishts...’

‘Or Cohen And The Chiropractors of Doom,’ suggested Bethan. Cohen cackled.

‘Or Cohen And The Mad Dentists!’ laughed Twoflower.

Cohen’s mouth snapped shut.

‘What’sh sho funny about that?’ he asked, and his voice had knuckles in it.

‘Oh, er, well,’ said Twoflower. Tour teeth, you see...’

‘What about them?’ snapped Cohen.

Twoflower swallowed. ‘I can’t help noticing that they’re, um, not in the same geographical location as your mouth.’

Cohen glared at him. Then he sagged, and looked very small and old.

‘True, of corsh,’ he muttered. ‘I don’t blame you. It’sh hard to be a hero with no teethsh. It don’t matter what elsh you loosh, you can get by with one eye even, but you show ‘em a mouth full of gumsh and no-one hash any reshpect.’

‘I do,’ said Bethan loyally.

‘Why don’t you get some more?’said Twoflower brightly.

‘Yesh, well, if I wash a shark or something, yesh, I’d grow shome,’ said Cohen sarcastically.

‘Oh, no, you buy them,’ said Twoflower. ‘Look, I’ll show you—er, Bethan, do you mind looking the other way?’ He waited until she had turned around and then put his hand to his mouth.

‘You shee?’ he said.

Bethan heard Cohen gasp.

‘You can take yoursh out?’

‘Oh yesh. I’ve got sheveral shets. Excushe me—’ there was a swallowing noise, and then in a more normal voice Twoflower said, ‘It’s very convenient, of course.’

Cohen’s very voice radiated awe, or as much awe as is possible without teeth, which is about the same amount as with teeth but sounds a great deal less impressive.

‘I should think show,’ he said. ‘When they ache, you jusht take them out and let them get on with it, yesh?

Teach the little buggersh a lesshon, shee how they like being left to ache all by themshelvesh!’

That’s not quite right,’ said Twoflower carefully. They’re not mine, they just belong to me.’

‘You put shomeone elshe’s teethsh in your mouth?’

‘No, someone made them, lots of people wear them where I come from, it’s a—’

But Twoflower’s lecture on dental appliances went ungiven, because somebody hit him.

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